A “you-call-yourself-a-Duke?” dart to the driver of the white sedan in the Grace Street Parking Deck who futzed around on her phone while a line of cars piled up as I waited for your space. I waited patiently with my blinker, eventually knocked on your door (instead of honking) and politely asked for your space. You then said “Yes,” BUT proceeded to continue to futz with your phone and never moved. I MEAN COME ON! REALLY?! 

From a triple duke who doesn’t understand how you claim to be a Duke and be so blatantly rude and ill-attuned to other people’s needs. 

A “thanks-for-coming-through-in-the-clutch” pat to my colleague for letting me borrow two of his suits — on short notice — so I don’t stick out like a sore thumb at formal university events. 

From an appreciative, similar-bodied new staff member who has a limited wardrobe because most of his clothes are packed up in a storage unit after moving across the country. 

A “chill-my-friend” dart to my buddy who used the last of his Dining Dollars AND Flex the other night on Steak ’n Shake. 

From a guy who likes being cautious with the money left on his JACard. 

A “please-hire-me” pat to all the companies I just applied to intern for. 

From a senior who has yet to get their first internship and feels like they’re falling way behind.