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Hot or not: Our ranking of Hot Pockets

  • 2 min to read

Nothing is more dependable than those frozen Hot Pockets you keep in your freezer. Thankfully, I’m here to tell you which ones are truly a pocket full of sunshine and which ones belong in the garbage. CAUTION: mouthwatering list ahead.

10.  Spicy Buffalo Chicken: This spicy mess is a disgrace of a Hot Pocket. After taking a bite into the doughy crust, all I could make out was a hot liquid that tasted like watered-down, spicy buffalo sauce. To top it all off, the Hot Pocket was under stuffed — I didn’t get any chicken in the bite.

9.  Steak & Cheddar Cheese: This beefy, broth-filled Hot Pocket seemed a little too bland and not cut out for the top five. The steak and the saucy cheddar cheese are both present; it just wasn’t worth eating.

8.  Pepperoni Pizza: Personally, I’m not a fan of pepperoni pizza. This Hot Pocket had an overwhelming amount of pizza sauce and not enough pepperoni flavor. However, if you are a pepperoni pizza lover, this Hot Pocket could be your No. 1.

7.  Chicken, Broccoli & Cheddar Cheese: Most likely the healthiest choice on this list, this Hot Pocket features the combo of crunchy broccoli doused in hot cheddar cheese. The downside to this Hot Pocket is that the chicken is very bland, almost to the point of having a nonexistent taste.

6.  Meatballs and Mozzarella: After biting into Meatballs and Mozzarella, I thought I had taken a bite into a pizza-flavored Hot Pocket. There was a sweet and tangy sauce that was complemented by mini meatballs covered in mozzarella. I enjoyed this Hot Pocket, but the crust had to be doughier for it to reach my top five.

5.  Chicken Pot Pie: I was confused as to why this Hot Pocket was fresh on the market because chicken pot pie was made to be in a doughy dinner like this. You can truly taste all the flavors of a chicken pot pie: white meat, carrots, peas, onions and celery. It’s all there, and it’s all so good.

4.  Five Cheese Pizza: Just when you thought pizza couldn’t get any better, Hot Pocket decided to fold the pizza and make it into a doughy snack. You can clearly taste the parmesan, mozzarella, cheddar, provolone and Romano cheeses living happily in a warm blanket of dough. The texture of the cheese combined with the bite of crust made me feel like I was eating the perfect pocket pizza.

3.  Ham and Cheese: Forever a classic, Ham and Cheese kills the Hot Pocket game because of the delectable cubed ham that’s drenched in hot cheese. This salty luxury always has me coming back for more and continue to be a must-have in my freezer.

2.  Cheddar Cheeseburger: If you told me this was a real cheeseburger, you could’ve fooled me. To my surprise, Hot Pocket hit a home run with this one. All the components of a cheeseburger are there: the ketchupy taste, the onion chunks and meatballs for the patty. Almost immediately I knew I had a new favorite to add to the list, and I’m glad I came across it.

1.  Philly Steak & Cheese: In the end, nothing could beat the unique flavors that the Philly Steak and Cheese Hot Pocket had to offer. Without a doubt, this Hot Pocket is my No. 1. because of the intense amount of flavor and because it hit the Philly cheesesteak right on the nose. Instantly after you bite into the crust, you can taste the steak as if it was fresh from the kitchen, along with the creamy cheese that covers it. Later, I got a taste of onions and peppers and knew right away I was going to eat the whole thing, making it a Hot Pocket to remember.

Joanna McNeilly is a sophomore writing, rhetoric and technical communication major. Contact Joanna at mcneilje@dukes.jmu.edu.